i consider myself to be quirky-creative and awkward. i'm realizing that i prefer solitude. i actually like most people. i even get along well with people. it is just that i see so many people who are angry about the silliest of things. so what does it really matter that a person has 18 items in a 15 items or less lane at a grocery store. good grief! what a way to waste good energy. it's as if any and every little annoyance becomes a reason to be mad . i'm speaking of adults here. teens have a tendency to be over dramatic. everything in their life is of the most importance. pretty normal for the age. sadly it seems there are a lot of adults , who have never grown out of that stage. i believe there are those who actually look for things to be pissed off about. so when i'm out and about, i tend to be very quiet and as polite as possible.
the one thing that really validates the choice of sollitude for me is-- deceit. i used to be trusting. that is not being naive' just open . i think above most everything else, i treasure honesty. i may not always like what i hear, and some times the truth is painful-but i much prefer the truth. i find it exhausting to try to sort out the truth from the bull shit when interacting with people.
i know i come across as awkward to people. at least i think i do. it's because of trying to be social yet wanting to keep my distance. i no longer want to deal with lies. sometimes i question my ability to discern the truth from the stories. so i'm happiest being in sollitude.
sadly, i have become a person i never thought i would become...........
i only answer the phone if i see it is a select few people. the rest of the calls go to voice mail. i avoid social situations where i'm expected to interact with people i may or may not trust. when i am at home, i will not answer the door if someone knocks. if i haven't invited the person over to my home, i don't want to deal with them. i'll go to my bedroom and shut the door until they stop knocking and leave.
i was lied to by my sister. it devastated me. it wasn't so much , what the lie was, but the fact that it was the one person who i had opened myself to-the one who i had shared my thoughts/hopes/fears etc... disrespected me so greatly by telling me lies. i haven't found a way to manage that betrayal. a part of me disolved when i discovered , that even my friend/blood could and would lie to me. i choose to be separate. i no longer have the energy to be social or the desire for that matter. most people probably see me as being awkward and that is ok. i know who i really am and that is important.
i love the autum season. it's cool enough to get into all the baking i love to do. tonight, eventhough , it's not baking- i've made a glazed ham with sweet potatoes and tossed salad for supper. the glaze is something i created, and i'm quite happy with how it turned out.
this summer when herbs and produce are in season and oh so yummy, i took the oppurtunity to infuse some local honey with unique flavors. the honey i used on my ham was infused with citrus and hot peppers. those things in combination with the sweet really makes the taste buds dance! i have also made these infused honeys
=vanilla and star anise
they are easy to make and your imagination is the limit.===all that is need is a mason jar with the lid-honey-and what ever herbs-spices-fruit you wish. let them sit in the honey for a week or so then strain and put back in sealable container. do not refridgerate. the longer you leave herbs, etc.. in the honey the stronger the flavor. i love putting lemon or lime zest in.
i have been on ep before. i had written a lot of short stories , some i thought were pretty good. i also added recipes and menu ideas. i deleted every thing when i left. i think it's the right time to get back into blogging. this might not be read by anyone but me. but if there are those, that might find this--i hope you enjoy my future posts and check out my posts often.
Previous Postsawkward, posted October 2nd, 2014
something in the air, posted September 22nd, 2014
remix, posted September 10th, 2014
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